Oh, I’m so unbelievably mad at myself right now and I’m just thinking “if only.” So except for my one “mistake” I did wonderfully today. But that stupid mistake. I relapsed into one of my bad habits. So yesterday I stupidly made some candy merely because I was in a huge baking mood and I had some a new recipe I was dying to try! Well, today, of course, there was still some left. (Alhtough there wasn’t a whole lot to begin with b/c I made a quarter of the recipe – at least I was smart about that.) So I got home from work, really wanted chocolate, and went straight for the candy. I picked up one piece and took a little nibble. Mmmm, that was good. So what did I do? I picked up a different piece and took another nibble. This continued until I had eaten some portion of EVERY SINGLE piece of candy, but not one entire piece. I’m not sure, but I think there were approximately 9 or so pieces. (This candy is basically like peanut butter balls except with a coconut filling instead of peanut butter, if you’re trying to picture it, so each ball is relatively big.) So then I threw the candy away. This was so bad on so many levels, I don’t even know where to begin, so I’ll just list all the problems:
- I have no idea (i mean no real idea) how much I ate or how many calories I consumed. Was it 250 or 1000? No way to know when I eat like this.
- I didn’t feel satisfied AT ALL. I was just sneaking it. I felt guilty the whole time. I would have enjoyed it much more and done less damage if I taken one entire one and sat down and enjoyed it. Not too mention I would have done a lot less damage.
- I was lying to myself and playing horrible games with myself. Trying to somehow trick myself into believing I was eating less than I was. But my body doesn’t go by what my mind thinks I ate.
- I made myself unbelievably mad and frustrated. Why, oh why, did I do that? I knew better. I negated sooo much hard work. I could have done so well today. I wanted to do so well. I just wish I could turn back time and take it back. And this is the feeling that in the past has led me to throw in the towel – because I’m so frustrated with myself and feel like I’ve ruined everything. It’s really not the calories that made me feel that way – it’s the fact that there is no excuse for what I did and I should have known better.
Okay, so what did I do after this little “episode”? I immediately marched my ample rear right over to the gym, hopped on the treadmill, and had an intense workout. I did week 4, day 4 of couch to 5k after a 30 minute “warm-up.” (It’s 3 mins running, 90 sec walking, 5 mins running, 2.5 mins walking, 3 mins running, 90 sec walking, 5 min running. Anyway, total running time is 16 minutes.) Well, I did great. I ran faster than ever. Which, isn’t actually fast, just faster than usual (about 5 mph, or between 11-12 min miles). And on one of the five minute intervals I accidentally ran 6 mins for one of the five minute segments. Anyway, I’m going to my best to learn from the episode (although I don’t know why I didn’t learn from the last 250 episodes of the same kind), and move on. Just forget about it. I can’t change it now. And I haven’t done such a thing for the past 9 weeks, if that counts. And the fact that there were only 9-10 pieces of candy means it couldn’t have been like 4,000 cals or anything.
Okay, the menu:
- Breakfast: Pita with roasted chicken and pepperjack cheese (312)
- Lunch: Deli style chicken on lite bread with pepperjack cheese (282)
- Snack: Two smartie rolls (49)
- Episode: Some unknown amount of super high-calorie candy (480??)
- Dinner: Steamed brussel sprouts in a light butter sauce (175)
- Total cals eaten: 1298
- Cals burned through exercise: 569
- Net cals: 729