Archive for January, 2009
Today was another okay day – not really great, but not too bad either. I did not have time to work out. I did succumb to a cook in a meeting at work. I had for some reason been really, really wanting to eat a cookie. Normally, I really crave chocolate or sweets in general, but today it was specifically a cookie that I wanted. I woke up thinking about cookies. I managed to avoid buying a cookie at Subway during lunch, but I caved in my afternoon meeting. I won’t be able to post until Monday at the earliest, because I’m going out of town tomorrow (as I posted about earlier – it won’t be a very healthy eating trip but I will do the best I can. My goal is to only eat things that I really want – not just eat things because I have a handy excuse.
Well, I’m happy to report that I did fine eating wise for the third day in a row. Maybe I’m onto something?
I ate 1200 calories today. No time for exercise, sadly. Tomorrow will be my only opportunity to work out. I may not have a whole lot of time, but I’m going to try to do the elliptical for at least 30 minutes. And I’m super excited – it’s supposed to be above freezing, so maybe it won’t be as hard to get out there and drag myself to the Y.
…shall we say “overweight”?
I think I need to vent just a little. Better to vent to you blog readers who are interested in these topics than some innocent friend who knows nothing of the struggles of being overweight and attempting to lose said weight.
So, first thing I need to vent about is this. I have (as you can see from yesterday’s post) really been struggling with this, and I’m getting on track again. It isn’t easy. But just as I’m doing that, this weekend poses one of a “dieter’s” (I use that term loosely) biggest nightmares. I’m leaving directly from work on Friday and am traveling some distance to a friend’s house for the weekend. I’ll be there for a full three days (coming back Sunday night) and they will be providing all the food. And their family is all perfectly skinny (while eating what they want), so the food won’t be particularly heatlhy. Surviving without a gain will be an accomplishment. If it’s one meal, I can handle eat. But meals for three days – that’s another story. And the weekend is all planned it to the minute so there is no time for exercise. What’s a girl to do? I wouldn’t mind so much if it weren’t for the fact that I’m just now getting on track. I don’t expect anyone to have a solution … it’s part of life, but I just needed to vent. To be honest, sometimes I struggle with not being jealous of those who can’t eat what they would like and never struggle with their weight.
Okay, while I’m venting, here’s the next thing. The next weekend I have a ski trip planned. A group of us will be going skiing at a place nearby on Saturday. Now, I love to ski, and, although I’m not even the least bit athletic, I do okay at it – only due to years of practice. Except for last winter, I’ve been skiing one or more times each winter. I have my own skis. Well, here’s the problem. I have never been skiing when I was this fat. The last time Iwent skiing I weighed a good 20-25 pounds less than I do now. So what’s the big deal about that? My calves have enough extra fat on them that my ski boots will NOT fit. Yep, they won’t fit. I can’t wear my own skis!! How horrificly embarrassing is that?? Also my ski coat is so tight that I cannot put anything besides a thin long sleeve t-shirt under it. I can’t fit a sweatshirt or a sweater, meaning I will be cold. Also, I have no skipants that fit. That means one of three things:
- I’ll have to announce to everyone that I am too fat for my ski boots and therefore will not be skiing. Obviously that option is quite embarrassing.
- I’ll have to come up with some other excuse not to ski. I obviously wouldn’t get to ski, but I could possibly avoid so much embarrassment.
- I’ll have to rent skis for $30-40 extra dollars (I think the rental skis would fit) and either let ppl know why when they naturally why a girl who owns her own skis is choosing to pay $30 to rent some. Or I could possibly figure out some scenario to avoid that. Like maybe finding someone who wants to borrow my skis or something.
Anyway, quite frustrating.
Okay, here’s today’s menu:
Alright, I’ll just be honest here:
I feel like screaming at myself right now! Seriously, how can I let myself throw in the towel yet again!!!??? I really thought I had it this time, you know? Like I was done doing the really stupid stuff where I’d eat stuff just because I was not “on a diet.” Yet, I slipped right back into those terrible habits. Last Monday and Tuesday I did okay. Wednesday, I was barely hanging on, and by Thursday I just completely lost it. And I didn’t get back in control until today. If I saw someone else making the type of eating decisions I’ve been making the last few days, I would think they were crazy. What makes me think I’m the exception? The fundamental problem is, yet again, that of “perfectionism” or the “all-or-nothing” mindset. That attitude just chases me around and does NOT want to let go. But I have to look at that attitude as the enemy instead of looking at myself as the enemy. I really could carry on and on about all the mistakes I made and all the things I should have done and what caused it all. But that really doesn’t matter now, does it? I am back on track today and I will stay there as long as I can. And I think that’s what will make this time different then “all the other times.” It’s really hard not to keep being so frustrated with myself that it hinders me from focusing on the things I need to do today. But, there, I’ve admitted it – yep, I messed up. I did horribly, but everybody makes mistakes and I won’t give up – especially not because of 4 bad days. I may not lose this weight as fast as I would like, but I will do it.
Okay, moving on to today. Did well. Overslept majorly – as in I NEVER heard the alarm. Needless to say, I got to work really late, so I wasn’t able to leave until late, so no time to workout. Tomorrow is my telecommuting day where I get to work from home, so I will be able to go to the Y before the big rush. I’m also starting a new method of food journaling – the good, old-fashioned paper and pen. I have good reason, but I won’t go into that now. I’ll just leave you with my new method of posting my food journals:
Well, I made it through the day okay. I’ve got to say, though, it isn’t easy. For some reason it seems so much more difficult now than it did before the holidays. I think I am just accustomed to eating all the junk that I ate during the holidays. I must confess. I got desperate for chocolate this morning (after going a whole day yesterday without it) that I caved and had some amount of brownies, but it’s hard to say exactly how much. Of course I tasted a lot of the batter and then had a decent sized brownie. I counted it as three brownies, but it well could have been more. However, I moved on, ate well the rest of the day. And I went to the Y and worked out on the elliptical for 53 minutes, burned 517 calories! I get to work from home on Tuesdays, so I was able to go to the Y at 4, and it wasn’t at all crowded yet, which was wonderful. (Normally I have a 45 minute commute to work, so I don’t get back home in time to go the Y before the rush.) I am really hoping to get to the Y tomorrow, but I know that it will be a struggle. The high tomorrow is 8 degrees, so I really will not want to go back out into the cold! Plus I have so much to do here at home. The house is still a wreck! It seems that I just haven’t been able to get it completely straightened in a while. And I also am anxious to get files transferred from my old computer to my new computer, so I don’t have the hassle of trying to use both computers. Here’s the menu for today:
- Omelet with cheddar cheese (261)
- About 3 brownies (600)
- About a cup of cornflakes (100)
- Lean Cuisine Sweet and Sour Chicken (300)
- Green Giant Garden Vegetable Medley (100)
- Total cals eaten: 1362
- Cals burned through exercise: -515
- Net cals: 847
I’m happy to report a fairly successful day! I ate 1300 calories and was able to workout for 25 minutes (burned 200 calories). I did have some issues in the afternoon being very hungry, so I ate a package of animal crackers. Not the best thing in the world, but not horrible either. In the future I will try to prepare for that better. Maybe a bigger breakfast/lunch. (Although I’m not sure what I should/could add to my lunch.) Or I could try to bring healthy snacks. However, I did well last year when I simply cut out all snacking. The Y today was soooo crowded. I have never seen it that crowded. I geuss it’s all the new year’s resolutions people – they’ll probably be gone by the end of the month. The only cardio machine available was a stairstepper, so I did that. It was a super-duper sweaty workout, but it did feel good to get some kind of physical activity in. Tomorrow I will go to the Y as soon as I’m done with work at 3:30 p.m., so it will hopefully be less crowded then.
Well, I had a nice post written, but I lost it! So this won’t be a good as the original one. This week did not go well at all. It was really hard to get back into a routine after the holidays. I still don’t feel caught up on everything, but that’s no excuse. I’m going to get things under control starting now. In order to help me stay motivated, I joined Biggest Loser Blog Edition! http://biggestloserblogedition.blogspot.com/ It’s basically a 16 week contest. I had more written in my original post that a lost, but that’s all I have to say for now. Tomorrow I will be back in full swing, which means:
- I will journal all the foods I eat.
- I will go to the Y and work out.
- I will blog about my day.
- I will read and comment on some of the blogs that I was reading regularly before the holidays.