Get a hold of yourself, you crazy woman!!!

Alright, I’ll just be honest here:

I feel like screaming at myself right now! Seriously, how can I let myself throw in the towel yet again!!!??? I really thought I had it this time, you know? Like I was done doing the really stupid stuff where I’d eat stuff just because I was not “on a diet.” Yet, I slipped right back into those terrible habits. Last Monday and Tuesday I did okay. Wednesday, I was barely hanging on, and by Thursday I just completely lost it. And I didn’t get back in control until today. If I saw someone else making the type of eating decisions I’ve been making the last few days, I would think they were crazy. What makes me think I’m the exception? The fundamental problem is, yet again, that of “perfectionism” or the “all-or-nothing” mindset. That attitude just chases me around and does NOT want to let go. But I have to look at that attitude as the enemy instead of looking at myself as the enemy. I really could carry on and on about all the mistakes I made and all the things I should have done and what caused it all. But that really doesn’t matter now, does it? I am back on track today and I will stay there as long as I can. And I think that’s what will make this time different then “all the other times.” It’s really hard not to keep being so frustrated with myself that it hinders me from focusing on the things I need to do today. But, there, I’ve admitted it – yep, I messed up. I did horribly, but everybody makes mistakes and I won’t give up – especially not because of 4 bad days. I may not lose this weight as fast as I would like, but I will do it.

Okay, moving on to today. Did well. Overslept majorly – as in I NEVER heard the alarm. Needless to say, I got to work really late, so I wasn’t able to leave until late, so no time to workout. Tomorrow is my telecommuting day where I get to work from home, so I will be able to go to the Y before the big rush. I’m also starting a new method of food journaling – the good, old-fashioned paper and pen. I have good reason, but I won’t go into that now. I’ll just leave you with my new method of posting my food journals:

Food Journal for 01/19/09

Food Journal for 01/19/09

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  1. #1 by Sharon on January 19, 2009 - 11:13 pm

    Good to hear that you’re sticking to it. Do you deprive yourself of certain foods when you seemingly go on a “diet”?

    • #2 by laurajane on January 19, 2009 - 11:23 pm

      As far as depriving myself of certain foods when I go on a diet, I have tried it both ways. Neither way seemed to work much better or worse than the other. I find that I still want to eat too much chocolate whether I’m considering it completely off-limits or whether I’m allowing myself a small portion each day. Right now, I’m allowing a small amount of sweets.

  2. #3 by Tara on January 20, 2009 - 9:56 pm

    Okay, I had a stellar post written out, but it deleted it…so imagine all my wise words, and I’ll make it short and sweet:

    Good luck. Four days is nothing– don’t let it get you down. Think of all the days you’ve been OP, and jump right back on. I’ll check in tomorrow, and try to start planning for the rest of the week. That always helps me– off ot pack my dinner.

  3. #4 by driverslicenseweight on January 25, 2009 - 11:40 am

    Thanks for this post. I have that perfectionism thing too. It is a journey, not a destination. Thanks for the reminder.

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