A mere two weeks ago I was excitedly posting about New Plan Number 333,200. Well, believe it or not, it’s time for fresh start number 333,201 (although it’s still the same plan.) Basically I did not do so well over the weekend. I’m am really slipping into destructive thoughts and habits and I’ve been in the viscious cycle for several months now. I’ll do really well with eating/exercise for a week or two, then gradually I will start slipping, then I’ll just throw in the towel altogether, regain the weight I lost the last two weeks, feel really bad about it all, and then restart and do really well for a week or two, and so the cycle continues. I really want to break the cycle. Unfortunately I don’t know how to control me two weeks from now when the real test comes (and it will). I wish I could. I will say one good thing is that I didn’t let things spiral into weeks. I got right back started again. And if I’m on restart number one million and three hundred thousand by the time I get there, then so be it. I fell back into my old all-or-nothing thinking. And also to that “I’ll start tomorrow” and “Just one won’t kill me” thinking. I have to reframe that thinking. I really thought I had made tremendous progress last fall but now I seem to keep slipping back and back and back again and again.
All that said, I did do well today with eating and exercise. I feel like this week is going much more smoothly overall than last week. I am still continuing with my no-counting and no-weighing for 4 weeks plan. (I did weigh this morning, so I’ll weigh again in four weeks and see where I am.) I also had several thoughts about some of the things that are different now than they where when I really thought I “had it” back last fall, and I can’t wait to share. Unfortunately, I don’t have time now because I must go to bed. I’m trying this new thing where I go to bed when I get tired (if at all possible) no matter what I’m doing or what the clock says. (novel idea, i know – go to bed when you get sleepy – who ever thought of that?) I really, really had trouble getting up last week – as in sleeping through my alarm clock and not hearing it all, then having crazy, hectic mornings. It wasn’t good for my whole day, and also is part of what made it easier for me to give in to the food temptations and skip the excercise.