Wow, I really need something. Ever since I won that Biggest Loser thing this past summer, I have not been able to get into a real, long-term groove. At best I struggle through for a week or two, and maybe hang on by a thread for a couple more days, and then I just lose it and give up, telling myself, “I need a fresh start” or “I’ll start next week.” And it’s just plain miserable. Miserable. I feel awful. Out of control. So why don’t I just straighten up? I know what to do. I just can’t quite seem to get into that groove. I really thought I would do better this month – not as much traveling, more of a routine, no pressure from an upcoming wedding. But the truth is, we still haven’t gotten into too much of a routine. More than we were in December, granted, but I think we could use just a bit more structure. Get up at a similar time each day, go through the same little get ready and pack my lunch routine, get back from work, don’t even think, just throw on the workout clothes and dart out the door to the Y. That’s what I need to do. Every day. Not just one or two days a week. It’s so hard to overcome all the negative momentum I have built up, and to face the dismal facts that I’ve undone a lot of the hard work I’ve put in over the past year and a half. So bottom line, I’ve fallen off the wagon yet again, I’m still struggling so much with this all-or-nothing mentality that I have struggled with my entire life, and I still love chocolate. But I haven’t stopped trying and I won’t. I have no idea how many years it will take me to get to my goal, no idea how many times I’ll regain the same weight – I’d like to say I’ll be there soon and that this time it’s for good. Sorry to be so negative, just wanted to let you know what’s been going on and say that I’ll be back again tonight with a report of the food/workout for the day. And I will get into a positive routine.